The Phallic Road Trip

We were hoping to get out this morning in jackets and shorts to hike around Glacier, but we’ll probably have to stick to jeans. It’s currently 38 in the park, with a high later this afternoon of 51.

Isolated thunderstorms are supposed to set in around 2, so we’re up early this morning. It’s 7:20 right now and John and Justin are taking turns taking showers. Hopefully, we can load the car and grab some quick breakfast in the next hour, so that we can start the drive over.

We spent the night here in Whitefish, Montana, about 25 miles from the west entrance of the park. There’s a 9-mile trail we’re hoping to do called the Iceberg Lake Trail, which seems to be “the” trail to do if you only have the chance to do one. The trail entrance is on the east side of the park, so it might take a little while to get there.

Though it’s early, we’re mostly well-rested. We got into Whitefish early yesterday and checked into a hotel at around 5 o’clock. We picked up some beer and Taco John’s — “The Fresh Taste of West-Mex” — and watched the basketball game, Talk Sex with Sue Johanson, and some coverage of the British House of Commons — surprisingly entertaining.

We were on the road for about 250 miles yesterday, winding north from Butte, through Missoula on I-90, before taking a beautiful state road past Flathead Lake to Whitefish. Yesterday was some of the most scenic driving yet. Unfortunately, I didn’t get any pictures since I was driving — just a few of the huge lake when we pulled over.

I was going to pass my camera to John — who was riding shotgun — but his hands were full with the iPod, the GPS and his phone, which he was using to follow the Yankees game.

Not sure what time we’ll leave the park today, but we’re figuring sometime between 2 and 3, given the chance for rain. Afterwards, we’ll get back on the road, cross the border, and make our way to Calgary for the night. Might be a slow drive — another 200 miles — but we hopefully won’t get in much later than 8.

Next stop: continental breakfast. We haven’t been taking advantage of these, but will today for the first time.

The plan was to crash last night in Idaho Falls and spend the whole day today driving up to Glacier National Park. But we got through Grand Teton pretty quickly yesterday, so we drove another 200 miles and crashed here in Butte, Montana, about 240 miles from Glacier.

So we’ll get to take it easy today and run a few errands. We’re aiming to get to a hotel tonight before 7, in time to see Game 2 of the NBA Finals.

Leaving West Yellowstone yesterday, we had clear weather, but we again hit snow as we drove through the southern end of Yellowstone. As we got through Grand Teton, it started to turn to rain and eventually cleared up in patches, but was still on and off.

Seeing these parks by car hasn’t been ideal, but with a busy schedule and poor weather, we haven’t had much of a choice. There were a few trails we could’ve tried towards the end, but most of the good ones looked like they were on the north end, where the weather had still been rough.

Leaving Grand Teton and getting to Idaho Falls to get on I-15 wound us through about 90 miles of scenic mountainous backcountry, through Wyoming and eastern Idaho on a two-lane road. Though there was some static, we did listen to ESPN Radio in the car, trying to catch some coverage of the Belmont.

Once we hit the interstate, it was eerie how long and straight the highway was; with nothing for miles and miles, we could see the rain clouds we were about to hit — 25 miles away.

Today will be another quiet day, but restful, since we’ll only be on the road for about four hours. It’s good to be a little ahead of schedule, so that we aren’t exhausted by the time we hit Canada. Still fiddling around with exactly how our next couple of days will go — between Calgary, Banff and Vancouver — but for sure, we will do Glacier tomorrow.

No matter what, we have to be in Seattle on Saturday for our first game in almost two weeks.

When we first woke up today, we heard a little rain; looking at the forecast, it looks like we’ll have a mix of showers and isolated thunderstorms during our tour of Grand Teton. The high is still only supposed to be around 40, but that is a major improvement over yesterday’s snowstorm.

We got into Yellowstone early yesterday afternoon after leaving Gardiner. It was cloudy going in, and started raining once we got to the first visitor center, so instead of hitting any trails, we started driving around the park.

The ranger at the entrance told us that one of the major roads was closed due to snow, but that the rest were open. As we made our way from the north entrance into the center of the park though, we began to hit some really bad snow. The roads were still open, but at times, the visibility was 200-300 feet — if that.

It was a shame — not because it was cold, just because we couldn’t see anything. We got to a few major landmarks, but the fog blocked most views of the mountains and canyons. Along the drive though, we did see several bison herds, a few deer and a lone wolf.

As we made our way to the southwestern part of the park, towards Old Faithful along Yellowstone Lake, everything started to clear up. For about 30 minutes, we had a pretty scenic drive, but once we neared the geyser, the storm picked up again.

We got to Old Faithful and saw a large crowd huddled in jackets and under umbrellas. We parked, and as we started walking, everyone started walking back to their cars. Our timing was perfect. Unfortunately, even being within a few hundred feet of the geyser, we could barely see a thing.

Afterwards, we drove out the west entrance of the park and got a few good shots as the weather started to clear again before finding a room for the night in West Yellowstone, Wyoming. We got in early, brought some food to the room and watched TV before passing out, to get a full night of sleep.

Today, we’ll have to drive back through the southwestern part of Yellowstone this morning — about 50 miles — to leave through the southern end and make the eight miles in between to Grand Teton. From what we’ve read, Grand Teton is supposed to be smaller and more manageable for a day trip. On our way, we’ll be passing by Old Faithful again, so we might stop by for a second try.

Tonight, our plan is to make it to Idaho Falls, Idaho, from where we could begin heading north to Glacier tomorrow. Looking at the forecasts, it looks like we’ll be running into similar conditions there, but we’ll have to wait and see.

All told, in our first seven days, we’ve done more than 2,000 miles — over a quarter of our total journey. We have another busy week ahead of us, but we’ll be able to slow down once we reach California in mid-June.

So far, we’re sticking to our schedule, but we might have to adjust depending on the rain.

We got up really early yesterday to get to Mount Rushmore around when the gates opened at 8, since the forecast was showing increasing rain as the morning went on. When we got there, the monument was hidden in a heavy fog, but after we walked around the half-mile trail, it started to clear up. Though it was cloudy, we were finally able to get some clear shots of the four guys on the wall, as Justin’s father calls it.

Leaving Rapid City, we hit some really bad storms. It didn’t start clearing up until we left South Dakota, got through part of Wyoming and into Montana. We saw a lot of beautiful scenery as we crossed the state, especially as we neared the Rockies; pictures from the car couldn’t do it justice.

All told yesterday, we drove something over 500 miles, which made for a long day in the car. We arrived in Gardiner, Montana at around 7 last night, where we had booked a hotel outside of the north entrance to Yellowstone.

We drove through the very, very small town quickly to see what dinner options we had, ultimately settling on the Antler Pub & Grill across the street.

We walked in and at first felt like deer in the headlights. It was a smoky second story bar attached to a Comfort Inn, with what looked like a couple of truckers and a tourist couple sitting at the bar doing shots. We were going to awkwardly make our way out, but the bartender was so damn friendly, we couldn’t leave.

He turned on the basketball game and the couple passed along their appetizers they hadn’t eaten. The bartender only had local microbrews on tap, and gave us samples. We ultimately decided on the red ale — the Glacier Ale.

To eat, we all tried the local favorite, the Crazy Mountain Alfredo, and had a few drinks. As the game ended, we prepared to close our tab, but the bar began to get crowded and we started making friends. We switched over to the brown ale — the Moose Drool — and spent the next four hours talking with the cute bartender from Green Bay — who moved here for the summer in between semesters at the University of Wisconsin — a couple of guys from London — who could’ve been our grandfathers — and two buddies with a kid from Joliet, Illinois — who had bought a minivan and were heading west.

So much for getting to sleep early: we stayed till last call at 2. We haven’t gotten an early start to the day, but it was light until well past 9 last night, so if the rain clouds clear up, we still should be able to get a full day in Yellowstone.

Not sure where we’ll be staying tonight, but we’re taking it as it comes. We still want to see Grand Teton and Glacier, before heading up towards Calgary early next week.

Rain is the worst thing we could encounter on a trip to see baseball, but fortunately, our next game isn’t until the 14th in Seattle — in a stadium with a retractable roof. Unfortunately, it still looks like we are in for non-stop rain over the next week.

Our plan is to see the Yellowstone, Grand Teton and Glacier National Parks over the next four days, but we might be limited. We got up bright and early this morning at 6:30 and are planning to head out in a few minutes to see Mount Rushmore. The forecast gets gloomier as the day goes on, so we’re hoping that if we get there early, we can get a look at it.

We’re sticking to our plan to see Yellowstone tomorrow and have booked a hotel a mile north of the main entrance. We’ll have to see tonight and decide, but last night’s forecast for Friday called for a mix of rain and snow, with a high of 39 and a low of 25, so we might have to change plans.

Looks like John and Justin will split today’s driving, just about 475 miles — not sure how rainy it’ll be as we drive across Wyoming. I took care of the 350 miles or so of driving across South Dakota yesterday, from Sioux Falls to Rapid City; we only hit a little bit of rain as we neared the end, but saw hail that we had just missed on the ground when we reached Rapid City.

We didn’t make many stops yesterday, just drove across the countryside. There are a ton of billboards on the side of I-90 advertising tourist spots — like “1880s Town,” the “Reptile Gardens,” and the “Corn Palace” — but we kept moving so that we could get into a hotel in time to see Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals, and get some sleep for today.

We did detour into Badlands National Park though, for about an hour. It’s quite a sight, which I don’t quite know how to describe, so I’ll defer to Wikipedia’s description: “sharply eroded buttes, pinnacles and spires blended with the largest protected mixed grass prairie in the United States.”

The name comes from when travelers would hit these mountain-like canyons, that went on for miles and miles — which they described as being “bad lands” to cross, after traveling across the country’s Great Plains.

Time to hit the road.

Was a little confused when we found out that stocking caps were the door giveaway at the Fargo-Moorhead Redhakws minor league game we went to last night. Stocking caps — in June.

But then again, it was North Dakota and it was cold yesterday. We left Bloomington, Minnesota yesterday morning for Fargo a little before lunchtime, for what was about a four-hour drive up I-94 into North Dakota. We ended up getting there almost four hours before game time, without much of a plan.

We drove around the campus of North Dakota State University — since the baseball team plays at a field on their campus — before stopping for an early buffalo wings dinner. The area around NDSU reminded me a lot of Gainesville.

We were excited for some minor league ball, and had some great seats two rows behind the visitors dugout, but rain delayed the game two hours. We hung out on the concourse in our stylish stocking caps — gotta support the team, as Puddy would say on Seinfeld. It was too bad we were so full from the wings, because the concessions were cheap, but I did still grab some delicious mini-donuts, and Justin went for a hot dog.

First pitch wasn’t until 8:54, but at least we got to see some baseball. After about an hour and a half though, we decided to hit the road to gain some ground for today. We left after 3 1/2 innings, with the Redhawks down 3-1, but read later that they rallied to win 4-3, with the go-ahead run coming in the bottom of the sixth.

We drove a little over 200 miles after the game, getting into Sioux Falls, South Dakota at around 2:30 in the morning. Our goal for today is to cross the state and get some sleep near Mount Rushmore, so we can get up early Thursday to see it before making our way to Yellowstone.

Shouldn’t be too bad of a day on the road — under 400 miles. Hopefully we’ll settle into a place early tonight so that we can watch the Red Wings/Penguins game.

Looks a little nicer out today, so we probably won’t need our stocking caps. But who knows, it could be cold again once we hit Canada.

Since starting in Atlanta, home teams are now 4-0 in games we’ve been to. Last night, in a back-and-forth game between the Twins and the Yankees, a Delmon Young RBI double in the 8th against Kyle Farnsworth gave the Twins the go-ahead run, in a 6-5 win.

Tough loss for the Yanks, and for Bruer, but a good game to watch nonetheless. The Metrodome is pretty comparable to the Skydome and Tropicana Field, but was better given that there were about 20,000 fans in the stands — not a ton, but more so than in Toronto and Tampa Bay.

Yesterday was a pretty dreary day in Minneapolis, but the perfect day for us since we watched a game indoors and spent the afternoon inside the Mall of America. None of us are big into malls, but we figured we had to go at least check it out.

It is without a doubt a huge mall, but a lot of the space is taken up in the middle by an amusement park. Nothing too crazy, but we did ride one of the rollercoasters — which was more fun than it looked — before sitting down for lunch. Sent Chris a text: “At the Mall of America, eating Panda Express, listening to Jimmy Buffet. This is a great country we live in.” Afterwards, we wandered.

Justin quenched his Orange Julius craving before we stumbled upon a mini-golf course (which I still refer to as putt putt, thank you) that we had to play. The score became irrelevant after the first seven or eight holes; we just had fun screwing around.

We walked the concourses a little bit more after the game before heading to a BBQ-joint called Famous Dave’s — which we had gone to in Chicago — for happy hour. All and all, it was quite the mall experience.

We left our car at the mall and took the 30-minute light rail to and from the Metrodome, getting back to our hotel just as the first overtime between the Red Wings and Penguins started — playoff hockey is the best. We went back down to the Outback for a few drinks, making friends with those around us at the bar.

Today’s agenda is decidedly less busy: slept in this morning, about to hit the road for what should be about a four-hour drive to — yes, no lie — Fargo, North Dakota. Completely unnecessary side-trip to see some minor-league baseball, but we added this diversion to our route because when else will any of us ever go to North Dakota?

No more Major League Baseball games until June 14th in Seattle. For the next week and a half, we will be winding across the country — and into Canada — seeing the best parks, monuments and fast food establishments the Great Plains, Rockies and Pacific Northwest have to offer.

Another 330 miles down, we are now in Bloomington, just outside of Minneapolis. Today’s agenda: visit the Mall of America, then head into downtown Minneapolis for a 7:05 Minnesota Twins game against the New York Yankees. Disappointed that Joba won’t be starting, but Petitte/Hernandez should still be a good match-up.

Yesterday was long. We woke up at 6:30 to take our showers and leave Manitowoc for Green Bay. We got to Lambeau Field at 8:15, with plenty of time to get tickets for the 11 o’clock tour that went on sale at 9.

After getting tickets, we headed down to the nearest breakfast stop: IHOP. Got there a few minutes past 9, missing the $2.99, 6-9 early bird special — though we never found out what that was. Regardless, IHOP was a hoppin’ Sunday morning spot. Service was fast; we were out by a quarter to 10.

As we still had over an hour before our tour, we decided to head down the street to Best Buy, only to be shocked by the line of 20 or so people waiting to get in. No sales were had, just eager Wisconsinites ready to check out some cell phones and TVs. The Guitar Hero demos weren’t even working. Disappointing does not even begin to describe how we felt.

Lambeau Field was amazing though. I’ve only been to one football stadium before — Raymond James in Tampa Bay — and I’m not a Packers fan, but walking around Lambeau is well worth the trip. Originally opened in 1957, the stadium underwent some extensive renovations in 2003, making it feel like a brand new facility. Walking through the tunnel and down to the field was our Sunday morning churchgoing sports equivalent.

We left Green Bay at around noon and made our way west, stopping off for some gas — $3.97/gallon — and some subs. Along the way, we passed a few great spots, including Chubby’s Gentleman’s Club — we did not stop, just loved the name.

We got to John’s grandmother’s house in Eau Claire at around 4, and took her out for some BBQ at a nearby restaurant, where I finally got some authentic cheese curds.

It was fascinating hearing some of the stories of her late husband who had been a POW in WWII. Really is amazing how different life has become in just two generations.

Afterwards, we finished the 90 or so miles to Minneapolis. Got into our Comfort Inn at around 8 and headed down to the attached Outback Steakhouse for a couple of rounds of drinks; Justin left after two, John and I stayed through last call a couple of drinks later.

All told, yesterday was about an 18-hour day, but fortunately, we will be staying in this room again tonight, so we got to sleep in.

Today, we are mall rats. Mall of America, here we come.

With Day 1 in the books, we’re setting our sights on Green Bay this morning to do a tour of Lambeau Field, home of the Green Bay Packers. Tickets go on sale at 9 AM, but they’re first-come, first-serve, so we’re heading out early.

Spent the night in Manitowoc, WI — about 80 miles north of Milwaukee, 30 miles south of Green Bay. Super 8 motel beds aren’t the best, but we lucked out by getting a room with three double beds. We drove up following last night’s Milwaukee Brewers game against the Houston Astros at Miller Park.

The Astros jumped out to an early 1-0 lead, but a Ryan Braun RBI single and a Prince Fielder home run in the 5th propelled the Brewers to a 3-1 lead. John and I missed Russell Branyan’s 465-foot home run in the bottom of the 6th, as we were grabbing our last beers following Miller Park’s famous Sausage Race — must say though, I still prefer the Nationals’ Presidents Race, just because over-sized presidential caricatures are hilarious.

Final score: Brewers 4, Astros 1.

No baseball today: following the Lambeau tour, we’re heading west to Minneapolis for the night, stopping off in Eau Claire to briefly visit some of John’s family.

May the Midwest gluttony continue.

Up bright and early at Justin’s house, about to grab breakfast before hitting the road early this afternoon for Milwaukee. It’s Day 1 of our journey. Tonight, we’ll visit Miller Park — our 21st park (Justin’s 14th) — to see the Milwaukee Brewers play the Houston Astros.

For the most part, we’re well-rested. John and I got to Justin’s house here in Chicago on Sunday, to be here for Justin’s birthday on Monday, when we saw the Cubs beat the Dodgers 3-1 at Wrigley. The day before, John and I met a friend of mine in Atlanta to visit Turner Field, where Jeff Francoeur hit a walk-off home run against the Arizona Diamondbacks in another 3-1 game.

Two good games so far, 11 to go.

It begins.