The Phallic Road Trip

Rain is the worst thing we could encounter on a trip to see baseball, but fortunately, our next game isn’t until the 14th in Seattle — in a stadium with a retractable roof. Unfortunately, it still looks like we are in for non-stop rain over the next week.

Our plan is to see the Yellowstone, Grand Teton and Glacier National Parks over the next four days, but we might be limited. We got up bright and early this morning at 6:30 and are planning to head out in a few minutes to see Mount Rushmore. The forecast gets gloomier as the day goes on, so we’re hoping that if we get there early, we can get a look at it.

We’re sticking to our plan to see Yellowstone tomorrow and have booked a hotel a mile north of the main entrance. We’ll have to see tonight and decide, but last night’s forecast for Friday called for a mix of rain and snow, with a high of 39 and a low of 25, so we might have to change plans.

Looks like John and Justin will split today’s driving, just about 475 miles — not sure how rainy it’ll be as we drive across Wyoming. I took care of the 350 miles or so of driving across South Dakota yesterday, from Sioux Falls to Rapid City; we only hit a little bit of rain as we neared the end, but saw hail that we had just missed on the ground when we reached Rapid City.

We didn’t make many stops yesterday, just drove across the countryside. There are a ton of billboards on the side of I-90 advertising tourist spots — like “1880s Town,” the “Reptile Gardens,” and the “Corn Palace” — but we kept moving so that we could get into a hotel in time to see Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals, and get some sleep for today.

We did detour into Badlands National Park though, for about an hour. It’s quite a sight, which I don’t quite know how to describe, so I’ll defer to Wikipedia’s description: “sharply eroded buttes, pinnacles and spires blended with the largest protected mixed grass prairie in the United States.”

The name comes from when travelers would hit these mountain-like canyons, that went on for miles and miles — which they described as being “bad lands” to cross, after traveling across the country’s Great Plains.

Time to hit the road.

Was a little confused when we found out that stocking caps were the door giveaway at the Fargo-Moorhead Redhakws minor league game we went to last night. Stocking caps — in June.

But then again, it was North Dakota and it was cold yesterday. We left Bloomington, Minnesota yesterday morning for Fargo a little before lunchtime, for what was about a four-hour drive up I-94 into North Dakota. We ended up getting there almost four hours before game time, without much of a plan.

We drove around the campus of North Dakota State University — since the baseball team plays at a field on their campus — before stopping for an early buffalo wings dinner. The area around NDSU reminded me a lot of Gainesville.

We were excited for some minor league ball, and had some great seats two rows behind the visitors dugout, but rain delayed the game two hours. We hung out on the concourse in our stylish stocking caps — gotta support the team, as Puddy would say on Seinfeld. It was too bad we were so full from the wings, because the concessions were cheap, but I did still grab some delicious mini-donuts, and Justin went for a hot dog.

First pitch wasn’t until 8:54, but at least we got to see some baseball. After about an hour and a half though, we decided to hit the road to gain some ground for today. We left after 3 1/2 innings, with the Redhawks down 3-1, but read later that they rallied to win 4-3, with the go-ahead run coming in the bottom of the sixth.

We drove a little over 200 miles after the game, getting into Sioux Falls, South Dakota at around 2:30 in the morning. Our goal for today is to cross the state and get some sleep near Mount Rushmore, so we can get up early Thursday to see it before making our way to Yellowstone.

Shouldn’t be too bad of a day on the road — under 400 miles. Hopefully we’ll settle into a place early tonight so that we can watch the Red Wings/Penguins game.

Looks a little nicer out today, so we probably won’t need our stocking caps. But who knows, it could be cold again once we hit Canada.

Since starting in Atlanta, home teams are now 4-0 in games we’ve been to. Last night, in a back-and-forth game between the Twins and the Yankees, a Delmon Young RBI double in the 8th against Kyle Farnsworth gave the Twins the go-ahead run, in a 6-5 win.

Tough loss for the Yanks, and for Bruer, but a good game to watch nonetheless. The Metrodome is pretty comparable to the Skydome and Tropicana Field, but was better given that there were about 20,000 fans in the stands — not a ton, but more so than in Toronto and Tampa Bay.

Yesterday was a pretty dreary day in Minneapolis, but the perfect day for us since we watched a game indoors and spent the afternoon inside the Mall of America. None of us are big into malls, but we figured we had to go at least check it out.

It is without a doubt a huge mall, but a lot of the space is taken up in the middle by an amusement park. Nothing too crazy, but we did ride one of the rollercoasters — which was more fun than it looked — before sitting down for lunch. Sent Chris a text: “At the Mall of America, eating Panda Express, listening to Jimmy Buffet. This is a great country we live in.” Afterwards, we wandered.

Justin quenched his Orange Julius craving before we stumbled upon a mini-golf course (which I still refer to as putt putt, thank you) that we had to play. The score became irrelevant after the first seven or eight holes; we just had fun screwing around.

We walked the concourses a little bit more after the game before heading to a BBQ-joint called Famous Dave’s — which we had gone to in Chicago — for happy hour. All and all, it was quite the mall experience.

We left our car at the mall and took the 30-minute light rail to and from the Metrodome, getting back to our hotel just as the first overtime between the Red Wings and Penguins started — playoff hockey is the best. We went back down to the Outback for a few drinks, making friends with those around us at the bar.

Today’s agenda is decidedly less busy: slept in this morning, about to hit the road for what should be about a four-hour drive to — yes, no lie — Fargo, North Dakota. Completely unnecessary side-trip to see some minor-league baseball, but we added this diversion to our route because when else will any of us ever go to North Dakota?

No more Major League Baseball games until June 14th in Seattle. For the next week and a half, we will be winding across the country — and into Canada — seeing the best parks, monuments and fast food establishments the Great Plains, Rockies and Pacific Northwest have to offer.

Another 330 miles down, we are now in Bloomington, just outside of Minneapolis. Today’s agenda: visit the Mall of America, then head into downtown Minneapolis for a 7:05 Minnesota Twins game against the New York Yankees. Disappointed that Joba won’t be starting, but Petitte/Hernandez should still be a good match-up.

Yesterday was long. We woke up at 6:30 to take our showers and leave Manitowoc for Green Bay. We got to Lambeau Field at 8:15, with plenty of time to get tickets for the 11 o’clock tour that went on sale at 9.

After getting tickets, we headed down to the nearest breakfast stop: IHOP. Got there a few minutes past 9, missing the $2.99, 6-9 early bird special — though we never found out what that was. Regardless, IHOP was a hoppin’ Sunday morning spot. Service was fast; we were out by a quarter to 10.

As we still had over an hour before our tour, we decided to head down the street to Best Buy, only to be shocked by the line of 20 or so people waiting to get in. No sales were had, just eager Wisconsinites ready to check out some cell phones and TVs. The Guitar Hero demos weren’t even working. Disappointing does not even begin to describe how we felt.

Lambeau Field was amazing though. I’ve only been to one football stadium before — Raymond James in Tampa Bay — and I’m not a Packers fan, but walking around Lambeau is well worth the trip. Originally opened in 1957, the stadium underwent some extensive renovations in 2003, making it feel like a brand new facility. Walking through the tunnel and down to the field was our Sunday morning churchgoing sports equivalent.

We left Green Bay at around noon and made our way west, stopping off for some gas — $3.97/gallon — and some subs. Along the way, we passed a few great spots, including Chubby’s Gentleman’s Club — we did not stop, just loved the name.

We got to John’s grandmother’s house in Eau Claire at around 4, and took her out for some BBQ at a nearby restaurant, where I finally got some authentic cheese curds.

It was fascinating hearing some of the stories of her late husband who had been a POW in WWII. Really is amazing how different life has become in just two generations.

Afterwards, we finished the 90 or so miles to Minneapolis. Got into our Comfort Inn at around 8 and headed down to the attached Outback Steakhouse for a couple of rounds of drinks; Justin left after two, John and I stayed through last call a couple of drinks later.

All told, yesterday was about an 18-hour day, but fortunately, we will be staying in this room again tonight, so we got to sleep in.

Today, we are mall rats. Mall of America, here we come.

With Day 1 in the books, we’re setting our sights on Green Bay this morning to do a tour of Lambeau Field, home of the Green Bay Packers. Tickets go on sale at 9 AM, but they’re first-come, first-serve, so we’re heading out early.

Spent the night in Manitowoc, WI — about 80 miles north of Milwaukee, 30 miles south of Green Bay. Super 8 motel beds aren’t the best, but we lucked out by getting a room with three double beds. We drove up following last night’s Milwaukee Brewers game against the Houston Astros at Miller Park.

The Astros jumped out to an early 1-0 lead, but a Ryan Braun RBI single and a Prince Fielder home run in the 5th propelled the Brewers to a 3-1 lead. John and I missed Russell Branyan’s 465-foot home run in the bottom of the 6th, as we were grabbing our last beers following Miller Park’s famous Sausage Race — must say though, I still prefer the Nationals’ Presidents Race, just because over-sized presidential caricatures are hilarious.

Final score: Brewers 4, Astros 1.

No baseball today: following the Lambeau tour, we’re heading west to Minneapolis for the night, stopping off in Eau Claire to briefly visit some of John’s family.

May the Midwest gluttony continue.